Just under a year ago, I took up running and hiking as an addition to my swimming classes. I had several reasons for choosing these disciplines and the most obvious reason was how accessible these forms of exercise are to me. Throw on a decent pair of shoes and some clothing appropriate for the season and off I could go.
Over the past 10 months, I’ve been experimenting, exploring, discovering new routes and seeing how far I could push myself in speed, distance and level of difficulty. Yesterday was a pinnacle in my journey so far. I walked the longest distance I’ve ever walked in my life. Read that again.
I wouldn’t have described myself as a couch potato before but I certainly had an aversion to anything that made my heart beat faster, preferring more refined epicurean recreations like cooking, reading and navel gazing, which I now describe as reflection since I recognize it also has massive benefits on my personal and professional wellbeing.
I’ve learnt I prefer exercising alone. I have more awareness and control over my emotions in these circumstances and I know just how hard I can push myself. It’s all about keeping myself safe. When I’m in danger, my inner child screams very loudly and persistently and she is almost always right. Listen to her and my world is my oyster.
I’ve been on a group walk and it was good, but as I’m relatively inexperienced, I did feel like I stood out. I didn’t have the right equipment and I was dependent on a bunch of rather nice complete strangers to keep me safe. A low point was finally having to wild wee within eyesight of 3 other walkers after hours of testing my bladder strength. One of the benefits was learning new routes locally, some of which I would never choose to walk again. Why would you plan a route that involves negotiating a boggy quagmire of slimy mud 3 miles into an 8 mile hike?
Last weekend I pulled out of a local walk. The description foretold a section involving mud (alarm bells) and nowhere to wild wee (even BIGGER alarm bells) and the pub where we were meeting would be shut when we set off, so no opportunity to empty my unpredictably temperamental bladder just before setting off. 6 miles without a wazz seemed way too risky. I’ve wet myself a couple of times while out running and I certainly don’t want to endure that with other people watching! Imagine the chafing from walking 5 miles in damp leggings. No thanks! The tipping point was reading that cake was to be bought. Go without cake, I said reassuringly to myself. Cake doesn’t matter, there’ll be plenty of cake to go around. I could buy one en route, from a bakery so it looks home made. Run out and get some ingredients and I can bake one tonight, even though I have a million and one other things to do. Insert exploding head emoji. She talked me out of it. She was right. I don’t regret not going and that route will be learnt another time.
Yesterday marked a new departure in my journey. I completed a walk of 13.55 miles. It didn’t feel that far as it was through some of the most spectacular scenery Yorkshire has to offer and it’s right here on my doorstep, well a 2 mile drive up a road that’s too dangerous to walk along.
I changed during that walk. Everything is different now. I realised I can have absolute trust in myself. I realised I’m capable of far more than I think. The walk started downhill. This is easy, I thought to myself. I got to my destination and knew I hadn’t walked enough. Off I went up a track I’d explored with the group. I got to the top and went along a different route towards the moors. Fear started to prickle. I had an unfortunate run in with a peaty bog last summer and didn’t want to repeat that incident. My curiosity got the better of me and a well worn track got me almost back to the village. Familiarity brought relief. At 2pm with darkness due at 4, I weighed up my options. Worst case scenario I could call a taxi. Pah! No cheating! Off I went, reversing my route at a fair lick. Hunger was nipping my heels but I didn’t want to stop until I got to the bottom of the moors where I knew I’d have a 3 mile uphill section past some ravishingly beautiful reservoirs.
Get there by 3 and everything will be alright. A man with his gorgeous pointer dog Brian wanted to chat. Be polite but MOVE GIRL!! Cold, windswept and tired, I gulped my coffee thirstily in one go and guzzled my energy bar with gusto. Boy had I worked up an appetite! My car within eyesight, I sat on the bench to take in the view.
Everything had changed.
That evening I felt like I’d thoroughly decluttered my mind and body. The feeling was a heady blend of pumped and knackered. Pumpackered (copyright Rare Bit Blogging).
At the beginning of 2020 I finally firmly closed doors on unfulfilling work opportunities that cause me stress and anxiety. Financially I’ve never been poorer. Personally my cup brims pretty damn full. I’m happier and more content than I’ve ever been. I’m desperate for a holiday and each distance walk or run feels like a mini break when I visit new places. In my harp practice today there is flow and freedom and there’s a playfulness in my work which has been lacking of late. It’s been like a creative release, unleashing vivid imagination, expressive storytelling and vibrant colour in my music. I’ve experienced incredible mental clarity – it felt like having a new brain. I would pay money to listen to me. At the end of last year I started to meet people who might pay me for my creativity in a way that I can manage.
If you’re facing some challenges in life, get yourself out there. Start small and push a little bit each time, but listen to your body and your mind – be careful with that one! There’s a few tricksters that can’t be trusted hidden inside us all. You’ll always find good reasons not to do it, but you might be surprised how much you learn about yourself if you do take that first step to freedom.
Rare Bit Blogging 