Rare Bit Blogging

My knee felt infinitely better this morning. It was a huge relief to get the x-rays done. I did my morning stretches and felt an urge to run. I’ve been doing a lot of research about improving bone density and even reversing osteoporosis, and I read an article which says running is excellent, especially downhill (my favourite!) and trail running, as well as varying the type of running. Plodding for 3 miles has no particular benefits but mixing it up does. I didn’t need much more encouragement. I ran about a third. My knee grumbled a little but it feels great now. Thank goodness for running in the darker months. I’m still buzzing.

I got to the hospital nice and early. I even had time for a mooch around the town centre to take my mind off my appointment.

I don’t particularly like hospitals and they’re especially triggering at this time of year. I was scared even though x-rays aren’t that bad – I don’t think I’ve ever had one so I didn’t know what to expect.

It was all fine. I felt a bit sick but that was just from worrying. My left knee doesn’t feel right (don’t!) and as the radiographer tried to position it, it felt wonky.

The room itself was pleasant – a mural of a forest on one wall and a screen with an image of an aquarium on another wall made it seem less clinical.

It was over in less than 5 minutes. Results in 2-3 weeks. The osteoporosis consultant I spoke with on Wednesday recommended as much walking and weight bearing exercise as possible. I’m desperate to run but I don’t want to make my knee worse.

I have an appointment on Monday morning, a phone appointment on Tuesday to discuss taking HRT for dem bones 🦴, then it’s time to forget it all for a few days. I’m so looking forward to playing for a wedding just after Christmas, AND I get a night away near the sea ☺️

There was no writing group yesterday as it’s the Christmas break. There is however a festive get together today and it’ll be a good way to end another year of writing creatively. It’ll also help take my mind off this week’s appointments – a phone appointment with a consultant rheumatologist this morning followed by another appointment with the musculoskeletal practitioner at midday, then x-rays on Friday. I rarely used to visit my GP, now it seems I’ve got a season ticket.

I’m feeling far calmer about my health this week but last week I was having phantom symptoms. My shoulders were slumping forward echoing Mum’s kyphosis, and every joint and muscle ached. I had a few days to process the information. I remembered that the mind is a powerful tool. I’ve realised I’m unlikely to break any bones for at least 20 years.

The Festive do was a bit flat. It seemed like most people had SAD. Town was drab and dreary and when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I looked as grey and sun deprived as the skies outside. I stayed for a while. It’s a good feeling to belong somewhere.

Then I treated myself to a Thai special:

I’ve promised myself these small indulgences for some time, so now that I don’t have any food restrictions as such, I’m just eating the foods I’ve wanted for a while. Interestingly, I’m not craving chocolate or sweets.

The food was excellent but the atmosphere was terrible. The Thai place is located in a small food hall in a shopping centre in town. There were plenty of tables big and small. I chose a small table. There was a big TV screen showing an action film featuring The Rock and Ryan Reynolds which was very distracting, there was pop music playing in the background, then a guy came to sit directly in my sight line. He spent his entire meal watching something on his mobile with the volume on, sans earbuds. Sensory overload! It was an exercise in nom om 🍱 🧘‍♀️

I had a head full of cotton wool today. Got some practice done then went for a lovely walk along the canal with a friend. We agreed on an intentionally flat route to minimise stress to my knee which has been playing up since yesterday.

We always have a good chat but I can’t form sentences with my mouth if the words won’t even come together in my head first. It’s frustrating and I feel so stupid. I guess that’s the menopause for ya. Good friends don’t judge and, luckily for me, she’s already been through it all.

On Monday I baked a cake for next Christmas. It’s going to hibernate in silver foil in an airtight container in the cupboard for 12 months to get to maturation stage. I’ll feed it occasionally if I remember. I couldn’t face baking it last Christmas. I know I’m on the mend ❤️‍🩹

I feel tired today, perhaps it’s the grey

Dreary weather outside, I just want to hide

Under my duvet. There’s work to be done!

Let’s give it a try, soon we’ll have fun/sun (delete as appropriate)

It’s official, I have osteoporosis already. That was an unexpected surprise. Having been told that my bones are like cinder toffee, it feels like I have a time bomb ticking inside my body. Don’t forget I have a tendency for the dramatic. My catastrophic thinking kicks in when I get a diagnosis.

I’m a fighter and I’ll keep exercising, eating healthily and most of all, working on my mental resilience. If my post-menopausal memory serves me well, Mum didn’t break anything until she was well into her 70’s or even her early 80’s. There’s no time to waste though. Adventures – here I come…

I’ve just been for a short walk to pick myself up. It’s Monday 2 December 2024 and Christmas fever is, well, at fever pitch. Everywhere I look I’m bombarded by pervasive messages. Buy this, give that. Don’t disappoint. Don’t be selfish. Plan your menu. Get your turkey, and don’t forget the stuffing! Have you got enough booze? And what about your Christmas jumper? Ho ho ho. Have you booked your flight? If only! Packaging in the shops is persuasively bright and gaudy. Black Friday seems to last an eternity. I can’t get to grips with Cyber Monday – is it Dr Who related? Exterminate!

I feel a huge amount of pressure at this time of year and every year it gets more intense. It’s mostly clever marketing, consumerism and spending. Getting into debt doesn’t matter so long as WE have the BEST Christmas. It works because it genuinely seems they care about us. What about the true meaning of Christmas? What is that if one is single, childless and non-religious?

Nature invariably offers comfort and consolation. The trees seemed to mirror my feelings this morning. Music does the trick, even though it’s my job, and culture too. I crave art. Poetry, literature, fiction, creativity. They all heal.

Before I let myself get swept away in a sea of guilt and shame, I went out. It helped. The problems are still there but I remembered gratitude. I’m grateful for my health, my cosy safe home, the ability to earn a living, my mostly cheery good nature and warm personality, my generosity, my resilience. I’d help everyone if I could, but helping myself? I need help with that sometimes.

I don’t have much playing work this month. Last December was busy and I had plenty to occupy me after the bereavements. Usually I’m glad to be busy but I’m fine with having a quieter month. It’s an opportunity to see friends and see what comes up. It’s also a chance to rest. Resting can be hard to do when there’s an urge to run around like a headless turkey.

I’d rather be on a desert island if I’m completely honest but, thankfully, I have a long wedding just after Christmas Day to keep my fingers and feet busy. And so far, I’ve resisted the urge to book a Blue Monday Cyber flight.

I had my first acupuncture treatment today. From my first contact with the acupuncturist I felt at ease, an inner knowing that this will help. One of the reasons I wanted to try acupuncture is that I share a chronic health condition with the acupuncturist – psoriasis. We had a long phone conversation prior to my first appointment during which I was asked some very detailed questions about my general health and medical history.

The treatment room was a tranquil haven with small rectangular windows overlooking a stream. Tall trees still clinging onto their crisp brown leaves towered above the running water. There was a Chinese wall hanging above the windows with encoded messages. I imagined they said relax, heal. I immediately felt comfortable and safe.

After a few more questions, I was ready. I reclined on the treatment table. The first superfine needle was inserted near my ankle followed by a brisk tap. I didn’t feel the needle but I felt a dull ache which eased gradually. The same action was repeated on the opposite side. In all, 10 needles were positioned before I was left to relax with the window ajar so that I could hear the soothing sound of the water.

While the needles were inserted I started to feel an emotional shift inside me, a subtle energetic excitement mixed with feelings of 3/4 joy, 1/4 sorrow. It was fascinating. I also felt a strange lump in my throat and as the first needle went in, I felt nauseous although this subsided quickly, before flowing up, and ebbing away again.

Acupuncture is already having a profound effect. This evening I feel a greater sense of wellbeing than I have for a long time. I feel so relaxed and my shoulders have unknotted. During the treatment I felt a rippling in my left foot leading to where my neuroma is. It feels great tonight. Worrying about the future has dissipated as has overthinking.

It’s the penultimate day of my week long staycation. Yesterday I woke up with a spring in my step, full of energy and excitement about the day ahead. I’ve been reading too much non fiction lately so I perused my bookcase and selected 4 novels I may or may not have read a very long time ago, but none of them kept me riveted. So I went to the library and had a good browse through their selection. I borrowed 2 books which appealed to me. I started one last night and it was unputdownable. I can’t wait to get to bed!

Then I went to my bounce class. I want to do some vigorous exercise and I can’t run because my foot won’t let me. Thankfully rebounding doesn’t seem to aggravate it. My DEXA scan results came back – abnormal but expected whatever that means. I have to wait 6 weeks to see my GP for clarification so it clearly can’t be urgent.

Bounce is fun once I get past the fact that I’m terrible at it! I look around me at the other women moving effortlessly with grace, and marvel at how clunky, awkward and laboured my movements are. I also seem incapable of coordinating my limbs to match the instructor. I do the complete opposite. Weird. However I come away buzzing with energy so it’s a keeper. Apparently it’s one of the best forms of exercise for bone health. The energetic music is too loud but I can cope with that for an hour.

On Sunday I binge watched the latest series of Slow Horses. I had my first taste of this show last Christmas and it instantly blew me away. Gary Oldman is incredible and he’s in great company with a brilliant cast. There’s something about Slow Horses that fills me with hope and optimism.

I don’t want to watch too much tv though hence the need for a page turner.

The rest of today was spent walking on the beautiful moors and chatting with my friend Ally. It was blisteringly cold but a day well spent.