I was out all day Friday. I went to Sowerby Bridge followed by Hebden Bridge, Halifax, Slaithwaite and finally Marsden. My student couldn’t come to me for her lesson and I needed to go to SB anyway so I decided to make a day of it and offered to teach her at her home on her lovely new harp before doing the rounds.

I’ve got a church wedding before Christmas in SB. I wanted to check out the access and get my bearings beforehand. It’s an 11am ceremony so I need to be on the ball. I’m a bit jittery about playing in churches in Winter anyway.

Even though I had checked my route prior to leaving, Google maps proved to be unpredictable. It took me through Slaithwaite and up Scapegoat Hill. I’ve always disliked going up this incline as it’s narrow and occasionally, big lorries get stuck there. Maybe those drivers were using Google maps too.

Up and around the bend I went. An extra wide SUV was coming down towards me. The driver seemed unwilling to back up so I obliged but I got cramp in my left calf from holding my foot on the pedal. There was a car behind me too. The SUV eventually passed after much stubborn huffing and puffing. So much for Christmas spirit.

On I went. The route looked familiar and I felt reassured. Then I recognised where I was heading – Ripponden. I was filled with a sense of dread. 2 years ago, at the same time Mum and her sister died, I tried to help a woman who was desperate to play the harp. She came for a consultation lesson a few years ago but the timing wasn’t right for her to have regular lessons. She contacted me in September 2023 – she had been diagnosed with cancer. Her urge to play was still strong. We arranged for my teaching harp to be left with her so that she could play a little.

I delivered the harp on an icy winter’s morning. I couldn’t find her house. Ripponden has a network of narrow winding lanes. I eventually found her house, set the harp up and gave her a brief lesson. It was the only lesson she had since her condition deteriorated quickly. Her one wish was for me to play at her funeral. I couldn’t refuse.

All these memories came flooding back yesterday. My psyche remembered that traumatic time in vivid detail. Up went my shoulders and I struggled to breathe.

Safely out of Ripponden, I started to relax a little. Oh no you don’t, said Google maps as it proceeded to direct me up even more twisting single track lanes which were waterlogged in places. There were nauseatingly vertiginous drops to the right.

I got to SB and clambered out of my car, relieved to arrive at the church. It was locked but at least now I know which route NOT to take!

I was agitated before I left. I dropped a jar half full of pumpkin seeds which smashed spectacularly – glass and green grains went everywhere.

When I got back, I did these breathing exercises which really helped me discharge the stored emotions and energy:

1. The “Soft Throat” Breath (very gentle)

Sit or lie comfortably. Put one hand lightly on the front of your throat or upper chest — just for reassurance. Take a slow inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth like you’re fogging up a window — soft, warm, unforced.

This relaxes the larynx muscles that clamp when we’re overwhelmed.

2. Humming (the vagus nerve’s best friend)

Even 10–20 seconds helps.

Close your lips gently. Hum on a long, low note. Don’t push sound — think “quiet fridge vibration.” If you can, rest one hand on your sternum while you hum.

The vibration releases throat tension from the inside.

3. The “Say Nothing” Stretch

This is incredibly simple but powerful.

Tilt your head very slightly up — just enough to feel the front of the throat lengthen a little. Take slow breaths for 20–30 seconds. Keep your jaw soft, lips parted.

Many people try to swallow emotion down; this gently reverses that reflex.

4. Jaw Release (because jaw and throat tension are linked)

Place the tip of your tongue behind your top front teeth. Let your jaw hang slightly open. Breathe three slow breaths. If you feel like swallowing, let it happen — that’s release.

5. A grounding phrase for the throat

You can say this quietly or just think it:

“I don’t have to hold it all right now.”

You may feel warmth, a sigh, or even a tiny wave of emotion — all normal signs of the throat releasing.

————

Then I went for a gentle grounding walk in the dark. The hoot of the owl nearby in the cemetery was reassuring.

It was an extremely uncomfortable experience but I’m so glad I did it. It’s easy to avoid potentially challenging situations but they’re where growth lies. I AM still capable!