It’s the last Sunday night in November 2025. I survived another Black Friday. Only Cyber Monday to go now. Don’t you think Christmas is being pushed more and more aggressively each year? It’s still November and it feels like Christmas is tomorrow! Did you remember your sprouts?

To dodge the relentless festive marketing messages, I went out for a longer walk today. It was a ruthlessly cold, thermals, 2 jackets and my warmest hat kind of morning but the sun was shining. I had very little energy. I was slow and I stopped a lot but it’s getting out that matters.

Yesterday it rained most of the day. I confess that I brought my trusted Christmas tree down from the attic and, in a moment of weakness, decorated it. I’m a sucker for sparkles at this time of year. The rain, darkness and endless grey dreary days make me default to magpie mode. My kitchen instantly looked more cheerful and the fairy lights chase away some of the winter gloom. It’s getting earlier each year – I mean, tree up in November? Me?!!

December is quiet until Christmas week. My mind keeps taking me back to Christmases I enjoyed, when I had festive orchestral concerts. I let myself get carried away on the wave of Christmas cheer. I’m not one for big gatherings. I think that’s why alcohol featured so much in the past, to ease the social awkwardness of post gig get togethers as well as the void which ensued. There’s none of that now. I occasionally eat too much fruit and if I’m feeling really rubbish, there’s always peanut butter.

Each Christmas I try to make some gifts, usually something edible. I love cooking and baking but I’m not particularly gifted. It stresses me out too. Deciding what to make is hard enough, then working out the quantities and logistics adds to the pressure. It’s the thought that counts though, right? I reassure myself as I scrutinise the misshapen festive cookies I test baked on Saturday.

Other than an early January wedding, my regular teaching and a few fayres, I have very little work at the beginning of next year. I’m going to need to act fast or I will be in trouble. Thing is, I don’t know what I can do other than weddings and teaching. I’ve inadvertently pigeonholed myself. Oops. Another thing is, I don’t really like going out this time of year, especially with my harp. Big oops!

On a lighter more positive note, I am feeling an inner shift albeit very subtle. I have trouble letting go and I carry so much unnecessary shit around with me but this morning, before going out, I wrapped some choice words around a small carefully chosen stone and set light to the paper. It burnt really well and I felt some weight lift from inside me.

I know I’m fixated on my problems but I do count my blessings. I know so many people are struggling. The greatest gift is compassion for others and, perhaps a little harder to offer, for ourselves.