I’ve really been enjoying my practice again. It’s been quite tough to practice for any longer than 3 hours but I’ve got a wedding coming up through an agency and the client has requested a lot of tunes that aren’t on my regular list. It’s been great to revisit some old favourites but I knew I’d struggle with the harder ones if I wasn’t doing a lot of serious practice.

Soon after mum died I had a wedding just before Christmas and somehow I ended up with a playlist. It was horrendous, quite traumatic. Even getting the music in order was enough to make my brain implode. I vowed never to do a playlist again. At the wedding breakfast I couldn’t breathe and I remember thinking “just smile, keep smiling”. I hated every minute of playing. I had absolutely no freedom.

There was one song in particular which got me in a sweat and it’s on the list for this coming wedding. I can’t look at it. It reminds me of that time. I really don’t think they’ll notice it’s missing from the 60 odd songs they’ve chosen, so long as all the others are there. I’ve taken it off the music lists on my website. It’s a piano piece. I’m also playing the music in my chosen order along with some of my favourites so it’s not a playlist as such.

It fascinates me how certain music can throw one back in time so vividly. Same applies for smells.

So yes, practice is a safe place again and I’m more able to listen and hear and not get caught up in the doing. Playing for weddings is tough and I fell into a pattern of zoning out. It’s hard to focus for 3 hours. Sometimes I couldn’t remember what I’d just played. My mind was elsewhere. Now I’m more interested and involved.

I haven’t lifted heavy weights since mid July. I love weight training and I really value keeping fit and strong but I was getting hand and wrist pain. I’m sure I’ll pick them up again once wedding season winds down.

My sister gave me this photo when I was visiting recently. It was amongst Mum’s belongings. I had recently moved to Lyon and I needed some headshots for a concert I was playing back in the UK. Seeing it again reminded me of my unshakable love and passion for the harp and music. It was taken many years ago, way before the era of the internet and social media and their trappings. I love the innocence and the twinkle in my eye which I believe is still there.