I’ve just been for a short walk to pick myself up. It’s Monday 2 December 2024 and Christmas fever is, well, at fever pitch. Everywhere I look I’m bombarded by pervasive messages. Buy this, give that. Don’t disappoint. Don’t be selfish. Plan your menu. Get your turkey, and don’t forget the stuffing! Have you got enough booze? And what about your Christmas jumper? Ho ho ho. Have you booked your flight? If only! Packaging in the shops is persuasively bright and gaudy. Black Friday seems to last an eternity. I can’t get to grips with Cyber Monday – is it Dr Who related? Exterminate!

I feel a huge amount of pressure at this time of year and every year it gets more intense. It’s mostly clever marketing, consumerism and spending. Getting into debt doesn’t matter so long as WE have the BEST Christmas. It works because it genuinely seems they care about us. What about the true meaning of Christmas? What is that if one is single, childless and non-religious?

Nature invariably offers comfort and consolation. The trees seemed to mirror my feelings this morning. Music does the trick, even though it’s my job, and culture too. I crave art. Poetry, literature, fiction, creativity. They all heal.

Before I let myself get swept away in a sea of guilt and shame, I went out. It helped. The problems are still there but I remembered gratitude. I’m grateful for my health, my cosy safe home, the ability to earn a living, my mostly cheery good nature and warm personality, my generosity, my resilience. I’d help everyone if I could, but helping myself? I need help with that sometimes.

I don’t have much playing work this month. Last December was busy and I had plenty to occupy me after the bereavements. Usually I’m glad to be busy but I’m fine with having a quieter month. It’s an opportunity to see friends and see what comes up. It’s also a chance to rest. Resting can be hard to do when there’s an urge to run around like a headless turkey.

I’d rather be on a desert island if I’m completely honest but, thankfully, I have a long wedding just after Christmas Day to keep my fingers and feet busy. And so far, I’ve resisted the urge to book a Blue Monday Cyber flight.