I’m having a pretty great summer and I sense it’s far from over in the close contender to my favourite season, spring. I’ve managed life’s ups and downs with relative aplomb although this week started with a slump on Monday evening. I had a tough wedding on Saturday. It was even more frustrating as I’d practiced diligently last week. Them’s the shakes. I didn’t really get the shakes but I felt I had to control each note. I couldn’t relax, let go. Then, in between pieces, I got heckled. The guests had already had a fair bit to drink and one particularly well oiled man had something to say to me, a witty comment he couldn’t keep to himself. I didn’t hear him so I asked him to repeat it. He refused, brushed me off. I tried to do the same but my focus was gone. I played ok but just couldn’t get in the zone again.

Back behind my harp on Monday morning, practice went really well. Phew. I could play freely with ease again. As the day progressed my mind took over and I became preoccupied with a challenge I set myself starting the following morning – boot camp in the local park. I started worrying about the most irrational things. I wanted to pull out and nosedive straight into a giant box of malty chocolate but I stuffed myself with after dinner fruit and homemade Wimberry and almond biscuits instead. Win. (Berry).

On Tuesday morning, I intentionally arrived with 3 minutes to spare but still almost bailed at the sight of a large group of women congregated in the park by the coffee van. I noticed some slam balls and a selection of dumbbells and other equipment dotted around on the grass. After a brief introduction, with high energy music booming from a portable sound system, we warmed up by running around in a circle and doing some jumping jacks and high knees. So far so good. My heart rate went up a few notches as did my mood. We were split into 5 groups of 4. I didn’t want to let my team down. Pressure! I remembered that sinking feeling I had in gym class at school of being the last one to be picked as I was so useless at sports. There was none of this here. It wasn’t about competition, just doing the best we could. I worked up a sweat, pushing just outside my comfort zone. Win again. I’ve booked on for next week. You won’t find me at the gym but a class in a park? I’m ok with that.

In the afternoon I went to my writing group. My output was flat and unimaginative. I couldn’t find an ounce of creativity or inspiration. By the third exercise, I felt a shift and colour started to permeate my sentences.

Yesterday morning I felt balanced again and today I feel better still. Writing’s cathartic. I spend a lot of time on my own and I really enjoy my own company but you can have too much of a good thing. I’d happily stay in and practice, read and write most days, going out for my daily walk of course, but I feel better, more connected after a microdose of people time.

I realised I’ve become extremely dependent on my phone and last week my daily screen time was almost 6 hours. Just think of all the things I could’ve done with that time. The biggest culprits were iplayer (Masterchef – undemanding viewing) and Instagram. I’m struggling more and more with the latter. I have 2 accounts and I’m not sure I need them both. My blogging account is just a bit of fun and my harpist one is for work but as an empath, I have to distance myself and stop pressing the like button for everyone’s posts. I feel uncomfortable posting on socials so I project that unease onto every person I’m following and find it nigh on impossible not to acknowledge their posts. Insta had become an emotional drain but now I think I’ve got my consumption back to a manageable level, although there are days when I visit more often than I’d like. I enjoy a distraction at the end of the day but writing and reading provide far better nutrition for my brain. This week I’ve used airplane mode every morning and that’s been a huge help.

I’ve been listening to the Waitrose Dish podcast, not so much for the audible food porn, more for Nick and Ange’s contagious laughter. It takes me out of my head and I always laugh along with them. They’re on a summer break at the moment and I miss the Thursday evening giggles.

Apologies for the abrupt ending. I’ve got 3 blog posts on the go and a deadline today. TBC…